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[Seeker]

After the past couple days, many hours spent thinking on it, I think I've reached a conclusion. I was first promted to redouble my exploration by Taoki, and I want to thank you for that. Another thing that helped me reach a conclusion is this essay. I now nearly nothing, but I know truth when I hear it. You don't just wake up one morning and decide you've become therian. It doesn't work that way. There are clues throuoght your life. Sure, the clues may not become noticeable until viewed through a lens as profound as that bit of writing, and people can change, but it doesn't just "happen". And you don't get to pick what you are either. You are, or you aren't.

I will say it: I, am. I am therian. I do not say this with great confidence, because I doubt myself. I know my flaws, I know my preconceptions, I know that what I think I know is wrong. But I can acknowledge these things as such, so I believe I am ready to take this step, to admit this to myself.

I do not say this lightly. I have had to fight through some of my own barriers to reach them, but there are memories and thoughts I've denied acess to my reality. There are things I would not say to another person. There are things I don't want to tell myself. There are things I remember doing that I feel like I should have to justify, but I can't truthfully do so.

As for what I am, I do not know. Probably a large predator of some kind. I reach this conclusion because I have... thoughts as such. Occasionally when I am stressed I will have these thoughts enter my mind. Thoughts that trouble my conscience when I think about them later, but evoke no feeling at the time. Thoughts of a growl that fills me with fear if it enters my mind afterwards. Thoughts of leaping at the object of my rage. Thoughts of crushing bone. Thoughts of tearing flesh. I doubt a rabbit or frog or evena smaller predator like a badger would have such thoughts. Maybe a canine or feline. Maybe even an avian or reptile, although I have yet to hear of any bird or lizard that "growls". I'm seriously doubting fox, despite still thinking they're cool as all hell. I haven't analyzed enough yet.

I do not enjoy being in groups, I don't feel strongly about relationships. While the attitudes of therians and their animals differ, and not all of a social species will be part of a group, this is often more due to circumstance than preference. Lone hunters do not fare as well as a pack, and are often only alone because they have been ousted from the hierarchy. Thus, this is a mark against me being lion or wolf.

Perhaps something close to home, a cougar maybe. I feel more comfortable  with this possibility because it occured to me tabula rasa. I don't really have any preconceptions to lead me astray on them. I have never spoken to or listened to a cougar therian. I have not really given much thought to the animal, and I do not have the history of fanboyism with it that I have with the fox.

From what I understand of this animal, before doing research on it like I'll need to: it is a solitary animal without a set mating pattern. The female raises the young. The mating call of the male sounds like a woman's scream. They are adept climbers by instinct, with agility on rocky terrain comparable to that of a mountain goat. They will stand their ground if cornered, and have the raw power to take down an animal like a bison, but are skittish- they'll avoid people and trouble if they can. One good hunting dog dog handled well can tree a puma, as opposed to other large predators like panthers or bears which would likely just kill the dog straight off.

For:
I've been trying to picture myself as a fox. I can't, really. But when I tried it with the cougar it worked rather well. I've always liked climbing. My mother huffed and moaned about it to the point where I stopped because I was sick of listening to her, but I would climb on anything that presented itself- boulders, snowbanks, random piles of dirt at construction sites. I don't know why, but I could never figure out the rock wall though. I tend to avoid trouble like the puma, but I don't like being pushed around or manipulated and I can have quite the temper although over the years I've buried it quite deep.

Against:
Conflicting with the puma idea is the fact that they prefer warm, arid climates. We have them up here in wisconsin but they are exceedingly rare . But I like the cold weather. More than one person has called me "iceman". In the winter, others are always wearing extra layers and complaining that they're cold I'll be in a t-shirt and a hoodie and be just fine. Again, I live in wisconsin. There's no medcal explanation I can come up with that hasn't been ruled out one way or another. I'm working on building this list of cons up more than trying to come up with things that favor it.

But now I've thought of more things that need contemplating, so I'll stop rambling. I posted some crap when I was feeling really emotional yesterday on my blog, so check that out too. Link in my sig. I warn you, I get really emo-sounding, But I feel my logic returning now. So please, doubt me, ask me questions about this. Only once I have the right questions can I find the answers. Salem and Reiko, I need you to go ahead and point out all the stupid flaws in my reasoning. I know you want to. And thank you again Taoki for giving me a good slap upside the metaphorical head. I may need more of them.

[reiko]

Reiko, I need you to go ahead and point out all the stupid flaws in my reasoning. I know you want to.

You don't know exactly what I want or do not want to do, so please don't assume anything about me. It makes you look like an arrogant fool.

Why do you need me to point out "all the stupid flaws" in your reasoning? Why do you feel you need to justify yourself when no one questioned you?
Because you are trying to prove it to yourself, whether you know it or not. And in my opinion, it seems that you have.

[Taoki]

You don't know exactly what I want or do not want to do, so please don't assume anything about me. It makes you look like an arrogant fool.

Why do you need me to point out "all the stupid flaws" in your reasoning? Why do you feel you need to justify yourself when no one questioned you?
Because you are trying to prove it to yourself, whether you know it or not. And in my opinion, it seems that you have.

I think by that he meant he would love to know your point about what he thinks, and would like you to point out what you think is wrong in what he said. I would feel proud to be asked something like that really, as being asked that means someone else sees you knowledgeable and wise enough to ask you about their beliefs like that.

That's at least how I see it, probably it not the case now. Anyway, don't take this wrongly, but you kinda acted like a spoiled foxy in that reply ^.-

[Aine]

What a coincidence, I was watching something on Pumas (and Bobcats and Canadian Lynxes) the other day.

That being said, you've got quite a conclusive self-analysis here. Good job.

I found one slight thing you might want to look over -

One good hunting dog dog handled well can tree a puma, as opposed to other large predators like panthers or bears which would likely just kill the dog straight off.

I've always heard that panthers and cougars/pumas were the same thing, just different name, though "panther" can also refer to jaguars and leopards (where a "black panther" is a melanistic variety of any of the three, to my knowledge).

[Seeker]

I've always heard that panthers and cougars/pumas were the same thing, just different name, though "panther" can also refer to jaguars and leopards (where a "black panther" is a melanistic variety of any of the three, to my knowledge).

Alot of Americans call cougars panthers, particularily in florida, but they're not. According to wikipedia there are over 40 different names used in the US to refer to them, most based on tribal languages and pidgin. We do get actual panthers (jaguars) wandering up from mexico occasionally into texas, and these may be melanistic(black panthers). I've seen no recorded instances of a melanistic mountain lion.

You don't know exactly what I want or do not want to do, so please don't assume anything about me. It makes you look like an arrogant fool.

Aww, I was kinda kidding with that part. You and Salem are the resident "debunkers" however, and I wasn't feeling very confident at the time. I was a bit emotional and needed cold, hard logic if there was any to be had. I'm sorry if I offended you. Thank you though.

[Teja]

As a fellow therian, I'd like to say that I think you're starting off on the right foot and with the right attitude. You seem to be taking things cautiously, which is great since a lot of folks new to such introspection just jump right in and don't analyze their thoughts enough.

Conflicting with the puma idea is the fact that they prefer warm, arid climates. We have them up here in wisconsin but they are exceedingly rare . But I like the cold weather.

It depends on who you talk to, but speaking personally, I don't think climate preferences have much to do with therianthropy. They may work in concert with your therianthropy, but I don't think it should be a red flag if you like cold weather and your animal doesn't. If you follow that logic, it's almost like saying "Well, I can't possibly be a lion therian because I don't live in Africa." Do you see what I mean? Also, remember that you are a human being too, and you're allowed to have your own human preferences!

Of course, having said that, I do think considering location is important in your search. If, for example, you are inexplicably drawn or connected to a particular country/environment, that might be worth looking into. However, it could just as easily be personal (human) preference and not anything deeper, so it requires a lot of thought.

I will also add that I've known a couple wolf therians who hated cold weather, but they identified with species that were native to northern regions. Preferences for diet and climate may factor into your personal therianthropy, but for me the biggest and most important factors to match are behavioral.

[reiko]

Oh, Taoki. I know I'm a selfish, spoiled and vain type already. No need to feed my ego. ;)

I was a bit emotional and needed cold, hard logic if there was any to be had. I'm sorry if I offended you. Thank you though.

Cold, hard logic would say, "You are insane and attributing quirks of your personality to something that cannot/does not exist."
But that can be said about plenty of things. Besides that, you explained yourself well enough, and if you can actively state how and why, I have no problem with what you believe yourself to be.

[Aine]

I've always heard that panthers and cougars/pumas were the same thing, just different name, though "panther" can also refer to jaguars and leopards (where a "black panther" is a melanistic variety of any of the three, to my knowledge).

Alot of Americans call cougars panthers, particularily in florida, but they're not. According to wikipedia there are over 40 different names used in the US to refer to them, most based on tribal languages and pidgin. We do get actual panthers (jaguars) wandering up from mexico occasionally into texas, and these may be melanistic(black panthers). I've seen no recorded instances of a melanistic mountain lion.

Well yeah, I guess it just depends on where you live(heh heh, I guess Animal Planet screwed up there). So many names for one cat though - I find that interesting.
Melanistic mountain lions - well, I wouldn't say it's impossible, but yeah, I guess that's just a slip-up on my part. ;

[Liëka]

Sorry, I meant to post earlier.. now most of the things have been said! ^_^

[Okori Tenko]

Cold, hard logic would say, "You are insane and attributing quirks of your personality to something that cannot/does not exist."
But that can be said about plenty of things. Besides that, you explained yourself well enough, and if you can actively state how and why, I have no problem with what you believe yourself to be.

 Took the words right out of my mouth. Very agreeable, Reiko. Very. I give you cookie. >^.^<

 Aside from that. Just sit back and think some about what you believe. Thereianthrope doesn't always have to be so hard core die hard. You -can- be liberal with your thoughts, and I would definitely listen to Teja. She obviously knows what she's talking about. Between those two right there? They've taken all of the words right out of my muzzle.

 The only thing I'd possibly add right now is that although this post is crazy late, just take your time, and don't try to be so hard core about the cold facts. Part of this -is- fancy. To have fancy, you must dream. To dream, you must have a light heart. To have a light heart: Relax.

 Some Therianthropes are very much sticks in the mud to me because of their die-hardness. Here? You're surrounded by others who are obviously your friends. Keep asking questions, and you'll get more answers to help you with what you decide you want to feel for yourself.

 Other than that, if I were you, I'd feel a hell of alot more confident about myself. >^.^<

 It's good to challenge yourself and what you believe, but it's also good to relax and see if the pants you're wearing fits in the crotch or not, so to speak. You'll know in five minutes if the pants fit well. And? if the pants fit? Wear 'em.

[Seeker]

This is way old and didn't last more than a few months before I returned to Kitsune. It's sort of weird, I thought I was being honest with myself but really I was just forcing myself to look at other options. I also hadn't solidified the difference between therian and otherkin. To use your metaphor, I was trying on different pants. After they lost the "new pants smell"(TM) they just didn't fit.

It's solid advice though, and hopefully it'll help someone else along the way.

[Okori Tenko]

 If it is that kitsune seems to fit, there -are- other types of Kemono Youkai known. Kitsune aren't the only kind of Kemono Youkai. If there's the smallest part of you that's still seeking, like the glove fits, but not entirely well enough, then such may be the case that you -are like- a kitsune, but not a kitsune. There -are- gloves that may fit you more firmly, one that could fit more exactly than you might now assume.

 Let's talk, and I promise you, that even if there's not another glove that's just as fitting, it'll still be informative. >^.^<

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