Hi, and welcome! It's funny, usually the way you find your true self is by seeing what sticks over the years, that you just can't get rid of. The fox part of myself has been like that too, even though I haven't been that shapeshifty like you have.
But yeah, you mentioned that you had trouble with meditating, and I understand! I've been trying to incorporate it more and more into my own life. What's been helpful for me has been taking a meditation class one semester at my community college, and it might be helpful for you.
You'd be surprised, sometimes they pop up randomly (even for free!) in the Adult / Community Education classes.
It's really all about being able to focus on a word or image, just pick something - some books go with the word "one" or an image of a candle, but traditionally it's the breath. Personally, I get into it by counting 21 deep breaths (it was something from a book, but then became more significant to me since there are 21 fox species in the world X3) and trying to focus on my fox self. I'd start off with with trying a word or an image - it doesn't even have to be related to kitsune, but if that helps go for it! It's hard to corral a bouncy mind, but the key is just to let the thoughts drift by and don't worry or be anxious about it. (That was MY problem in the beginning, I used to jerk when I started to wander, but then I started to relax more.)
Anyway, hope my odd tangent helps, and that you have a good time here X3
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