next »

[Kijt]

Hi, I'm Kit... or, Kijt if you'd prefer, to avoid confusion with anyone else who goes by Kit... Um, but I digress... I've gone by the nickname of Kit since my second year in high school, and I turned 21 on the 10th, so it's not just a name I've adopted for the internet.

As to why I am here... I feel like I need help. I've always been a little lost, you see, and things have been hard. I've always been positive that I was never human, but since high school I've at least been sure that I am, in some way, a fox. I suppose I'll have to start at the beginning... the very beginning. Otherwise it's just too hard to understand.

You see, according to my mom, my being born saved her life; she had ovarian cysts and when she was pregnant with me they found them via ultrasound; considering she'd been pregnant two years before, they had grown rapidly and fast, were probably cancerous, and might kill her. She used to tell me all the time that if it wasn't for me she would've died, and I do mean all the time. She also told me the night I was conceived she'd wished on a shooting star. Regardless of if that was true or not, this is information you'll need for later on in my story.

The very first memory I have is from when I was 1 1/2. We were at the beach with my aunt, and I was playing in the sand, running towards the water, and my mom kept running to pull me back. I remember almost everything in my life from this point on with clarity, so trust me on this, because I remember how I felt and everything. I wasn't me, I was watching me at the beach, and as I watched, I can remember thinking, "That's me. That's my mom. That's my Aunt Jean-Jean." And then I woke up. I was laying in a bed, holding a Barney toy, with the door open, and I got up and walked to the bathroom and picked up one of the toys from the beach in the bathroom, and I told myself, "This is from the beach." Later that morning, I saw my dad for the first time, and I know it was the first time because I remember not knowing who he was, though apparently he was always there.

A lot of the first few months I can remember are like that. Mom and dad "reminding" me who people were, my mom telling me flat out as I was chewing on a pacifier that, "Kristen, you hate those." Later on she told me when I was a baby I spit them out and would never suck on them. I can even remember sitting and looking at things and having this urge to just... pick them up and smash them, break them... I always  got along better with animals than people, too. Also, I could read and write from the very beginning. I remember writing a letter to my mom when she was in prison, using the waving baby script, and my dad walked up and said, "You know how to write.", and suddenly I was using letters and words. It happened a lot that first year, like they were accidentally retraining me on being me.

I saw things a lot, too. Almost everywhere I've ever lived things have moved on their own, disappeared... Once during an ice storm when I was alone in the dark and frightened, a glowing orb of red light appeared to the left of my head. I have a scar on my face from when I was left alone in a garage for a few minutes, with the door open, and I somehow managed to slice the left side of my face clean open despite the fact that when I fell the wall was to my right, and the thing I cut my face open on was six feet above my head; also, I fell to the ground three feet away from the wall, on my left side, facing the front of the garage, when the wall the piece of metal was on was the back wall. According to an incident with a ouji board a few years ago, apparently when I was younger something was trying to kill me and failed; it goes a long way to explain how if I was left alone for even a moment I would get injured on things I shouldn't be able to reach, and one time I fell down three flights of stairs.

It wasn't always me who saw these things, either. I have a friend who was there for a lot of weirdness, including this one time we both saw a faceless woman in her pool, and when I was 8 my dad and I saw this giant black cat the size of a panther that didn't die even when he shot it.

... Lets see... I've always had an interest in animals, and looking back on it I think I was trying to figure out what I was. I'd read endless books about wolves and lions and big cats, and then one day I read about foxes... and it was like everything in my life just clicked into place. I studied them relentlessly, and then I got into anime and learned about kitsune and just went even more nuts with research. My mom was in a car accident when I was 10, and for the next four years she'd have these weird seizures and psychotic lapses, and every time she would sit there and scream at me that I wasn't human, that I was some kind of demon; and I believed it. She told me my whole life how special I was to her, how I'd saved her life; I idolized my mother, and when she told me that... I'd never fit in, and I believed it.

There for a while I thought I might be a therianthrope, because I was obviously human, but when I was 18 I started having these weird dreams... In the first one my dad told me this man with red hair wanted to talk to me, and I remember seeing him, but in the dream I had to go somewhere else, and I spent the rest of the dream hunting down evil spirits. After that I had frequent nightmares where these evil spirits would try to kill me, and then one day, when I was terrified beyond belief because I could sleep for a minute without being strangled in my sleep by these creatures, and I'd lost my voice right after my dad told me he'd come save me if I screamed for him, he gave me this fox tail and told me that if I believed in it it would save me. That night I dreamed I turned into a fox, and I could not only defeat the evil spirits, but dispel their negativity from them so they could move on. In those dreams I could fly, and throw fireballs.

Despite this matching up with kitsune mythology, I believed it might be a bit of Native American totem...ism? Er, anyway, I'm five different kinds of Native American, so it seemed like it might fit... Then I had this weird vision where I talked to the Egyptian god Set who was the same man with red hair in my one dream, and it just... all gets weird and complicated from there... Anyway, now I have a boyfriend and... well... any intimate act with him leaves him really drained of energy for days...

Which brings me to this, at long last, which is a good thing for you tl;dr people: I think I'm a kitsune, I think I took over this body when it was still young and for some reason can't remember it, I might be a nogitsune since I don't answer to Inari, but to the Egyptian god Set (though if Inari ever asked anything of me I would comply, and it does make sense if I were a nogitsune because he's the god of chaos), and I definitely can't control my abilities...

[Hakuzo NightFox]

welcome.

Also Technically since you follow a Deity, you are not classed as a nogitusne. Don't worry, It seems ok that you follow one deity and sometimes you have to interact with others. Just be careful of your choices .

[Ivy Kirax]

Welcome to Kitsuhana

[Arishi]

Welcome to Kitsuhana! BTW please please contact me about your abilities. Some of what you mentioned about your discovery phase, I find to be highly interesting, and might help me to change my understanding of being a Kitsune. I would like to speak with you about it privately some time. Thank you.

[Takumi-no-Kitsune]

Hmm, this is an interesting one. Welcome to Kitsuhana. It's nice to meet you. I'm sure you'll find a home here like all of us did. ^^

[Kira]

 
That's an interesting background story you have there.
 
Me, I became a fox in this lifetime.
I had help from spiritual foxes who saw the seed in me nad heeded my wish when I called out to make it grow.
 
Foxes all around the world can be special. The japanese culture is only very elaborate about it.
 
And I don't serve any god, mostly because no one has claimed me yet.
I feel a strong alignment to the earth mother vixen and the dragon father sky though.
If she's Inari... I don't know...
It's just a name anyways.
 
Anyway, be welcome here.

[Kijt]

Thank you all... I was really nervous because, well... so much of it is so unbelievable and sounds kind of crazy... It's nice to finally be in a place where I feel... kinda welcome, I guess. Any place else I might be talking about things I like but at the same time I'm around people who I have to pretend to be normal around. Erm... ;; I mean: Thank you for making me feel welcome!

[Kyuuji]

Welcome to the boards

I'm quite envious since you can recall your childhood.
Videotapes of me, nightmare and 8-bit is the only memories I have.
The only things i can remember it's everything that is spiritual otherwise i need to experience it again so i can remember it

[Gingitsune]

Hi, and welcome!  Your story is very interesting too, especially how you had to really "learn" how to be human.  I can see a kitsune influence in there, and that soul has had to really adjust to being in this life.  I'm glad that things seem to be working out for you now though!  I hope you're having a good time here. X3

[KitsuNeko]

Hello Kijt~ Welcome to Kitsuhana. 

[matoa]

There was someone who recently (I forget who) mentioned a familiarity or following with Bastet, another Egyptian god. Most people think of eastern and western foxes, but I wonder if there is an additional "hub" in the middle eastern / African area based on Egyptian history?

Thank you all... I was really nervous because, well... so much of it is so unbelievable and sounds kind of crazy... It's nice to finally be in a place where I feel... kinda welcome, I guess. Any place else I might be talking about things I like but at the same time I'm around people who I have to pretend to be normal around. Erm... ;; I mean: Thank you for making me feel welcome!

There are a great many crazy and unbelievable things out there, just remember how "true" it is to you by applying a little logic.

The grades of proof. The further up the chain the more confidence you can have.
A. First hand experience / physical proof
B. First hand "feelings" or "intuition" are not as good as experience or physical proof, but usually better than second hand information.
C. Second hand, if someone tells you that they are or saw things, but can't show you proof.
D. Third party or farther.
F. Someone with something to gain by deception. (Car salesmen, Politicians, etc.)

It sounds like a lot of your experiences are grade A, because you have experienced them, other things like your feelings about what you are may be grade B, as you are not quite sure, but there is enough evidence for you to apply some of the facts to your life. Of course you can have something that is completely true and accurate for you, but still be unprovable to others (Your grade A becomes grade C to others without proof or evidence).

So long as you have enough proof to satisfy yourself, then that should be enough.

In any case, welcome, I hope you find what you are looking for.

 

Powered by SMF 1.1.15 | SMF © 2006-2009, Simple Machines
Blueace design by Crip | XHTML | CSS

Page created in 0.064 seconds with 19 queries.